lovin'

hollyhocksandtulips: afternoon tea

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 23:19:51 -0400

afternoon tea

My tragic demise

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 23:19:08 -0400

For as long as I can remember I have been the ever so emotional, lovestruck seeking, falls head over heels in an instant kind of girl. Maybe, it’s because I’m getting older, maybe it’s because I found out that I won’t be able to have a family of my own. But, something has changed in me over the past couple months. I have become completely detached from every person that is in my life, almost as if my heart has become incased in a solid brick of ice. And as much as I try to chip away at the edges, I only feel the ice getting stronger and more durable.

Mr. Santorini, my Greek lover, is leaving for an 8 month journey around the world. He will hit Hong Kong, Thailand, India, Greece, and England. The word jealous can’t even begin to explain how I’m feeling about all of it. But, yesterday when we finally decided to have the “talk” about what will happen when he leaves, my exact words were “peace out.” Apparently I couldn’t think of anything more poetic to encapsulate our time spent together over the past few months. If this were the old me, I would have been a puddle seeking his approval to have things continue throughout the semester. Even if it meant an occasional skype call at 4 in the morning, or long drawn out e-mails, clinging to whatever it is that we have. This new girl brushed it off. I haven’t shed one tear over this entire situation. Which is something I can’t even begin to wrap my head around.

Am I acting this way because I don’t have real feelings for him, or has my heart simply become stone?

Photo

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:10:29 -0400

To be honest or not to be honest.

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:10:15 -0400

Sometimes being a best friend is more work than is anticipated with the title. I recently found out that my very best childhood friends boyfriend is seeking attention from other ladies via text message. Maybe it’s the advancement in technology that is causing things to become lost in translation. Like when you’re a kid and an unwanted pop-up comes up on your computer just as your mother is walking into the room … needless to say it’s usually an ad for some new sex toy or pornographic promotion. That’s a time when ones actions are defined by something that is out of their control.

So, do I simply assume that this is one of those “situations” or do I take matters into my own hands, only to devastate my friends love live and potentially hinder our future relationship. Or, should I just stop being selfish thinking only of my relationship with her, and just tell her so she can make the decision for herself.

To make matters worse, the informant of information was Mr. Santorini himself. Things have been going so well between the two of us, and I fear that by me telling my friend of her boyfriends careless activities it could come full circle and bite my relationship with Mr. Santorini in the ass.

There is only one word to describe all of this nonsense. FUCK.

While I’m typically full of philosophical insight and incandescently voiced opinions I’m all out of words for this one.

Words of advice are open and openly accepted.

Is honesty really the best policy?

ohrochester: Vogue, ‘49

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:42:35 -0400

ohrochester:

Vogue, ‘49

“Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some...

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:42:08 -0400

“Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life – can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day – and must close therefore, so that you get the letter at once. Be calm – love me – to-day – yesterday.

What longing in tears for you – You – my Life – my All – farewell. Oh, go on loving me – never doubt the faithfullest heart

Of your beloved

Ever thine.

Ever mine.

Ever ours.

ilyinichna: This GIF speaks volumes.

Mon, 07 May 2012 18:00:19 -0400

ilyinichna:

This GIF speaks volumes.

an ironic truth

Sun, 06 May 2012 02:21:22 -0400

A moment can never be truly candid until thoughts are spewed from the mouth like wildfire. Leaving the listener only to be immersed in the delicate delight of honesty. Equivalent to the kodak photographs, an honest word paints the clearest, most accurate picture for the people that we are. It’s not statuesque, it’s not forced, it’s irreparably real.

The world that we live in can only be described as “mechanical.” The ability to be free is there, but people only take those liberties in the comfort of their homes, with the people that we have grown comfortable with. It’s rare that the truest emotions are shared amongst an acquaintance. We live our lives hidden by computer screens and smart phones that we forget the one real act of love doesn’t come from a delicately crafted e-mail or a thoughtful picture posted to someone’s Facebook wall, real love comes in the form of honest and true, uncensored, unparalleled, can’t believe the words are actually coming out of my mouth moments.

If we continue to tailor our speech to be eloquent and thoughtful we are only hurting those around us. It’s nonsensical. How will anyone come to terms with who each other are if their identities are being curtained by societal norms.

Break the mechanical boundaries, and whisk aside the drapes. Tell the one you love that you love them.

Don’t think.

Just speak.

Be honest.

Be true.

But, most of all stay you.

Love isn’t about losing yourself, it’s about immersing yourself into the world of another. Creating a place that you can both dwell, strive, and ultimately find unconventionally sublime bliss.

theyroaredvintage: Photo by Louise Dahl-Wolfe, 1950s.

Sat, 05 May 2012 20:53:23 -0400

theyroaredvintage:

Photo by Louise Dahl-Wolfe, 1950s.

"Everywhere I look, I see people finding people. People finding each other. People holding hands,..."

Sat, 05 May 2012 20:50:36 -0400

“Everywhere I look, I see people finding people. People finding each other. People holding hands, people sharing secrets, people gazing into each others’ eyes with dreamy expressions on their faces. I’m standing on the shoreline, longing for the ocean, and I’m looking for someone to take me there. And it seems hopeless, because I know that even if I find someone, that someone wouldn’t want me to find them. They’d run away, they’d turn to someone else, they’d grab an other girl’s hand and wander off into the raging waves with her. And I would stand with my feet planted in the sand, and I would willingly offer my bleeding heart to the seagulls, so that their screams could tune out the ever-present sound of lovers at sea.”

- Anonymous (via 7anchors)

"To be annoyed is to simply employ hostility for something you have no control over. Breathe deeply,..."

Sat, 05 May 2012 17:26:00 -0400

“To be annoyed is to simply employ hostility for something you have no control over. Breathe deeply, love deeper and grow away from paranoia of the annoyed.”

- Me

firsttimeuser: Henri Cartier-Bresson Serbia. Bass player on the...

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:37:10 -0400

firsttimeuser:

Henri Cartier-Bresson

Serbia. Bass player on the road Belgrade-Kraljevo, to play at a village festival near Rudnick. Yugoslavia 1965

Art Blart

More than a key

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:36:54 -0400

Maybe it’s the rain, maybe it’s my incessant obsession with Sex and the City, or maybe it’s because I’m listening to the soundtrack from The Notebook … But, I’m in that mood. The kind of mood that makes you dream of Mr. Right, dwell on Mr. Wrong, and wonder how anyone can ever truly say that they are in fact “head over heels in love.”

When it comes to the game of love I really do wind up head over heels. Ass up, face down, dignity sprawled in disarray for every passerby to revel in, ending in my inability to ever really let someone in. The only way a man has been let in on my life recently is through the entrance between my legs. The entrance to my heart is a little harder to break into, not to mention the highly paid doorman I have guarding it.

I gave it away once. It was at the end of that travesty that I decided higher security measures were in order. The simple one lock keyhole wasn’t doing the job. It always surprises how easily we give ourselves up. An attractive man tells us that we are witty and we leap into bed with them. A charming fellow holds your hand, whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and clings to your body as you fall asleep … next thing your know you have given him your heart only to have him shit all over it when he finds a skinnier, prettier version of you.

I know that it’s foolish of me to think that a key, and a very strong doorman are going to keep my head from winning out over my heart. After all it seems that my heart has a very creative mind of its own.

After my one failed attempt at giving my beloved away, it was quickly returned to its cubby, a little smaller, a little more experienced, and of course … broken. Over the past 8 months I have been at war with myself, trying to make its beats match the pace of my life. Trying to coax it back to the way I function.

So, as I said … It’s foolish of me to think that a few protective measures are going to keep me from making the silly mistakes all over again. But, when you lose yourself once to someone who so clearly didn’t deserve you, what do you have left?

I’m well aware that it will take more than a key to get my seemingly fragile self up on it’s own again. Let us not be too hasty though, after all a key is the very ticket to open a new door. New doors await us, new experiences are on the horizon, and another heartbreak is right around the corner. Buckle up, hang on tight, and never look back.

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and..."

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:57:04 -0400

““After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.””

- SJP

Ava Gardner photographed by Allan Grant, 1948.

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:53:27 -0400

Ava Gardner photographed by Allan Grant, 1948.

#3

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:51:53 -0400

On Saturday night, my friend was a character in the idyllic male fantasy: a threesome. But, with the mixture of 2 males and 1 female it morphed into a lady’s dreamland. Call me old fashioned or traditional but there is something so special about it being an intimate one-on-one rondaveu. And, I can tell you from experience: it is getting lonely on monogamist island.

Sometimes I wonder if men think that threesomes are a way for them to find “the one” quicker. Weeding out the pack twice as quickly. Or, they are just so horny and can’t be satisfied with just one woman’s lackluster libido.

All I know is that I wouldn’t have the ability to watch a guy hook up and maintain faultless fixation with this young lass while I twisted my hair, smack my gum and play the lead character of “fly on the wall.” I know that my college years are supposed to be experimental. Aren’t I supposed to go through a lesbian faze? Or, dye my hair blue and pierce my tongue? Why am I not fulfilling all of my duties as an American Teenager? My parents don’t hate me, and I haven’t gotten an STD … according to the statistics I would be considered perfect.

Everyone talks about wanting a threesome or they are reminiscing of the ones they have already been a part of. Maybe I’m the one missing the boat.

Lately, my relationship with Mr. Santorini has been careening towards monogamy. (Maybe this island won’t be so lonely after all) I’m not seeing other people, and neither is he, but our status has yet to be discussed. Part of me would love to call him my own, but another part of my enjoys the carelessness of the current situation. If one day we decide we don’t want to see each other anymore it doesn’t have to be a messy break-up, just a simple “see you around … buddy.”

I guess the question that I would like to pose is …

Are threesomes the new monogamy?

historiful: Actress Natalie Wood (1938-1981), with actor...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:09:04 -0400

historiful:

Actress Natalie Wood (1938-1981), with actor Michael Caine (b. 1933), date unknown.

historiful: An unidentified woman. Photographed by Wingate...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:08:24 -0400

historiful:

An unidentified woman. Photographed by Wingate Paine, c. 1964-65.

My Mr. Right Now

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 16:56:47 -0400

Sex with a stranger. A foreign concept to many that is perpetually frowned upon by the masses … but why? What is so wrong with indulging in a night of pleasure with a person you hardly know? As long as as protection is being used for both the potential transmitted discrepancies and for your heart, is there really any harm in it?

The other night I was standing in the corner of a dimly lit bar with my three best girlfriends. All of whom tower over me with their long blonde hair and stilt like legs. Looking around the bar I spotted a nice looking “hipster” boy … exactly my type. Dark skinny jeans, plaid shirt complete with a ruffled “I just got out of bed” hairstyle. Walking toward him I noticed his facial stubble and my knees instantly became gelatin. Composure is not my forte when I have had a few drinks and I see my dream fellow standing in front of me.

Conversation began flowing between us as people whisked past us in a frenzy to move on to the next best thing. Both of us were ever so content with keeping each other company for the rest of the night.

The night came and went, and he came and went.

I agree that the best relationships stem from friendships. You get to know the person on a deep emotional level before adding any of the physical elements.It helps to ease into those intimate moments after being so emotionally endowed to one another. But, if you are constantly looking for Mr. Right then what about finding Mr. Right Now? Not to mention the great sex you could be having with that nice looking guy perched at the bar.

So, why should I have to feel a surge of guilt when I walk in my door the next morning? I’m making decisions by myself and for myself? We may never see each other again, but I will always look back on that night fondly. The night I slept with my dream man.

I just can’t help but wonder …

What’s so wrong with finding Mr. Right Now???

updownsmilefrown: Bob Dylan plays on the back of the SNCC...

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 03:53:27 -0400

updownsmilefrown:

Bob Dylan plays on the back of the SNCC office in Greenwood, Mississippi, 1963