lovin'

Maybe it’s the rain, maybe it’s my incessant obsession with Sex and the City, or maybe it’s because I’m listening to the soundtrack from The Notebook … But, I’m in that mood. The kind of mood that makes you dream of Mr. Right, dwell on Mr. Wrong, and wonder how anyone can ever truly say that they are in fact “head over heels in love.” 

When it comes to the game of love I really do wind up head over heels. Ass up, face down, dignity sprawled in disarray for every passerby to revel in, ending in my inability to ever really let someone in. The only way a man has been let in on my life recently is through the entrance between my legs. The entrance to my heart is a little harder to break into, not to mention the highly paid doorman I have guarding it. 

I gave it away once. It was at the end of that travesty that I decided higher security measures were in order. The simple one lock keyhole wasn’t doing the job. It always surprises how easily we give ourselves up. An attractive man tells us that we are witty and we leap into bed with them. A charming fellow holds your hand, whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and clings to your body as you fall asleep … next thing your know you have given him your heart only to have him shit all over it when he finds a skinnier, prettier version of you. 

I know that it’s foolish of me to think that a key, and a very strong doorman are going to keep my head from winning out over my heart. After all it seems that my heart has a very creative mind of its own. 

After my one failed attempt at giving my beloved away, it was quickly returned to its cubby, a little smaller, a little more experienced, and of course … broken. Over the past 8 months I have been at war with myself, trying to make its beats match the pace of my life. Trying to coax it back to the way I function. 

So, as I said … It’s foolish of me to think that a few protective measures are going to keep me from making the silly mistakes all over again. But, when you lose yourself once to someone who so clearly didn’t deserve you, what do you have left? 

I’m well aware that it will take more than a key to get my seemingly fragile self up on it’s own again. Let us not be too hasty though, after all a  key is the very ticket to open a new door. New doors await us, new experiences are on the horizon, and another heartbreak is right around the corner. Buckle up, hang on tight, and never look back. 

On Saturday night, my friend was a character in the idyllic male fantasy: a threesome. But, with the mixture of 2 males and 1 female it morphed into a lady’s dreamland. Call me old fashioned or traditional but there is something so special about it being an intimate one-on-one rondaveu. And, I can tell you from experience: it is getting lonely on monogamist island.

Sometimes I wonder if men think that threesomes are a way for them to find “the one” quicker. Weeding out the pack twice as quickly. Or, they are just so horny and can’t be satisfied with just one woman’s lackluster libido.

All I know is that I wouldn’t have the ability to watch a guy hook up and maintain faultless fixation with this young lass while I twisted my hair, smack my gum and play the lead character of “fly on the wall.” I know that my college years are supposed to be experimental. Aren’t I supposed to go through a lesbian faze? Or, dye my hair blue and pierce my tongue? Why am I not fulfilling all of my duties as an American Teenager? My parents don’t hate me, and I haven’t gotten an STD … according to the statistics I would be considered perfect.

Everyone talks about wanting a threesome or they are reminiscing of the ones they have already been a part of. Maybe I’m the one missing the boat.

Lately, my relationship with Mr. Santorini has been careening towards monogamy. (Maybe this island won’t be so lonely after all) I’m not seeing other people, and neither is he, but our status has yet to be discussed. Part of me would love to call him my own, but another part of my enjoys the carelessness of the current situation. If one day we decide we don’t want to see each other anymore it doesn’t have to be a messy break-up, just a simple “see you around … buddy.” 

I guess the question that I would like to pose is …

Are threesomes the new monogamy?

Sex with a stranger. A foreign concept to many that is perpetually frowned upon by the masses … but why? What is so wrong with indulging in a night of pleasure with a person you hardly know? As long as as protection is being used for both the potential transmitted discrepancies and for your heart, is there really any harm in it?

The other night I was standing in the corner of a dimly lit bar with my three best girlfriends. All of whom tower over me with their long blonde hair and stilt like legs. Looking around the bar I spotted a nice looking “hipster” boy … exactly my type. Dark skinny jeans, plaid shirt complete with a ruffled “I just got out of bed” hairstyle. Walking toward him I noticed his facial stubble and my knees instantly became gelatin. Composure is not my forte when I have had a few drinks and I see my dream fellow standing in front of me.

Conversation began flowing between us as people whisked past us in a frenzy to move on to the next best thing. Both of us were ever so content with keeping each other company for the rest of the night.

The night came and went, and he came and went.

I agree that the best relationships stem from friendships. You get to know the person on a deep emotional level before adding any of the physical elements.It helps to ease into those intimate moments after being so emotionally endowed to one another. But, if you are constantly looking for Mr. Right then what about finding Mr. Right Now? Not to mention the great sex you could be having with that nice looking guy perched at the bar.

So, why should I have to feel a surge of guilt when I walk in my door the next morning? I’m making decisions by myself and for myself? We may never see each other again, but I will always look back on that night fondly. The night I slept with my dream man.

I just can’t help but wonder …

What’s so wrong with finding Mr. Right Now???